"Graf Diffuzor" for the big boys. "Dyesyat' Strel" if you’re quick on the upswing or too cheap to buy another pack. "Mal'chik Evgraf" for Dzhon.
Could be combined with the official B.G. Signature "Wilburizer" Vocal Vibrato.
Only one of the many semi-controlled substances we'd be apt to consume (more of) if it were properly packaged.
Little porcelain figurines of the Akvarium boys lovingly recast as adorable children ... bearded Seva playing an exquisite miniature cello with a puppy dog licking at his feet ... playful Boris romping in a grassy field of Ivan Chai ... "Desyat Strel" unicorns and griffins (limited editions, natch!) sold separately …
Moving among orthodox churches beneath a psychedellic sky, you fight your way from fortress to fortress armed only with bread, wine, and your trusty nail gun. In the scene pictured here, you team up with Boris and two of the Partisans of the Full Ammunition Clip. See This Kleep for a non-interactive example. (Underwater scenes are not included in the preview.)
Tuva? Nepal? Tibet? So old millennium. Sakha has it all: edible ponies, rubber-shattering weather, potent mare's milk potables, and (most importantly) an intriuging and little-explored musical tradition. Time for BG to hitch up a team of reindeer and head for Yakutsk, City of Stilts!
There must be a pickle left in the jar
There must be at least one pickle left in the jar
I may not recognize it as a pickle at all
But I'm glad there's a pickle left in the jar
Preserved in brine for 2000 years...
This musical interlude has been brought to you as a reminder that we're still wishing for more Akvarium-related foodstuffs. We're so desperate we'd even buy Kozlodoyev Kasha if it was available... and we'd EAT it too.
The Bodhisattvas have had an insight: what better way to imprint BG on the cerebral cortexes of America than by hawking his wares on late-night TV? Therefore we call upon K-tel, king of the "Available for a limited time only! Just $29.99! Check, money-order or C.O.D.! Three CDs or six cassettes! All the hits!" offer, to bring us The Many Moods of BG. As thematic video footage is tied with snippets of the great songs (we imagine, for instance, BG at Orley jumping up and down while pointing at the Concorde; or BG walking down to a river and finding - surprise! - a Mongolian postage stamp) we can't imagine the average American consumer will be able to resist. After all, it worked for Zamfir, Master of the Pan-flute!! 'Nuff said.
Novii Russkii is so out of fashion it might as well be old folklore. Be the first on your block to sport Gangsta Gold's new "Fresh BG" line of Akvarium-related Gangsta jewelry. The full line has yet to be released, but you can get in ahead of the game with these first two Akvarium tooth caps. Soon, you'll be slappin' the Mochalki & jockin' the prostitutki in high fashion, dope style!
It's getting to the point where you can't walk into your local Wal-Mart and let your kid buy a CD without fearing that he may go home, plug in his headphones and have his brain just Tchoo'd to pieces. Children have access to Tchoo in ways their parents never imagined. This Tchoo access scares some parents because of the explicit buzzes, violent clicks and strong Tchoos so readily available. Struggling against the steady stream of Tchoo flowing into the home, many parents wish God would just teach them to breathe underwater. It's a normal feeling, just as rebellion is normal for a teenager. As you get older, it may be harder to be hip, but it's much easier to be illuminated. We call upon the Recording Industry Association of America to provide protective Tchoo warning labels. The children must be protected: tchoose to be informed. Help your children eschew the Tchoo.
We've all been to Giperboria, but now that science has developed The World's Smallest Guitar (tm), it's time for Boris and crew to invite us along on a fantastic voyage to The World's Smallest Akvarium Concert as they add new meaning to the cliche "I've got the music in me." Or, as Alfanov observed regarding the teensy guitars, "If you inject enough of them into your bloodstream, you'll play better. Wait... no, that's smack."
Wish already fulfilled? This blurry photo, taken by an equally blurry photographer, allegedly documents the rare appearance of the only beer that can satisfy the most mighty-linghamed of the bodhisattvi: the baltikasattva. "Quench the unquenchable with unceasing quenching."
Кто ходит в гости по утрам - тот поступает мудро!
Известно всем, тарам-парам, на то оно и утро!
In a combined follow-up to both Children's Album and Hyperboria, Boris and company prepare a full-on progressive rock album featuring tunes and themes from the animated classic. Honey is an interesting subject...gluuupii, stariii beeeaaaarrr.
Boris does a buddhist tour where he blesses everyone and sells little BG icons that ward off bad music from ever entering your headspace. You're driving down the road with your BG beads hanging from your rearview mirror and the car next to you comes bumping up with some bad rap music bass rattling your windows, and suddenly the music changes to "Radio Silence". Whoops! Wrong song...how bout "Nikita Ryazanskii" Now I'd buy one of those! Maybe a couple of dozen.
An alternate-universe review: by mimoza
From its first squeal of inverted feedback to the merciless 3-minute amp-noise drone that ends "China," Boris Grebenshikov's RADIO SILENCE is one of those rare recordings that push the whole game forward. Uncompromising almost to a fault, it belongs in a pantheon of idiosyncratic masterpieces ("Velvet Underground and Nico," "Murmur," "Trompe le Monde") that, no matter how many units they might originally shift, have profoundly influenced the way people think of recording rock.
As the raw, uncompressed drum sound and starkly minimal arrangement of the title track give way to the furious stomp of "The Postcard," seemingly recorded in one take, the realization dawns that this is the true sound of the basement: unlike Westerners, who use the trappings of "lo-fi" as an aesthetic choice, the Russian has EARNED them. The authenticity of the record, tape hiss and all, feels staggering; its flaws are a bold political statement. The emotional peak of the album comes toward the end of "The Wind": the infernal, cacophonous solo, produced by an overmiked stringless thrift-shop guitar repeatedly hitting Annie Lennox. RADIO SILENCE forcefully returns rock'n'roll to its vulgar, brash, primal-scream roots, to an integrity altogether abandoned by the likes of Dave Stewart. This album is a wake-up-call to all of us. It might have only sold a 1,000 copies, but everyone who bought it, learned Russian.
Bootleg CD: 5 dollars. Bootleg T-shirt: 15 Euros. Counterfeit concert tickets: 450 roubles. Akvarium: priceless. There are some things money can buy, for everything else, there's BG.
WISH PARTIALLY FULFILLED We haven't gotten to see Boris make pelmini with the Swedish Chef. We haven't heard him do a duet of Iskusstvo Byt Smirnym with Kermit. And we don't yet know how he'd react when romantically pursued by a horny pig (we can speculate, but we don't know). Still, this sneak preview photo from the official Akvarium site suggests we may be getting even more than we'd hoped.
Curiously, only one other member of the current Akvarium lineup appears to have been kept on board...
Modeled on The Reagan Legacy Project the BLP is dedicated to the noble goal of erecting statues of Boris, renaming buildings, highways, and airports, and generally enforcing the Boris legacy.
The BLP is working toward a time when all citizens of the world can step off their local commuter train (named after Boris) into their town's central square (named after Boris) and be struck by the inspiring site of a giant statue of Boris, high on a pedestal, pointing towards the endless future of Rock & Roll.
Coming soon: an all-star band featuring Boris, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, Joan Baez and Stevie Nicks. It's like that olde time music they just don't make like they used to... but warblier! (Sponsored by Nicorette®.)
Having trouble locating a great janitor? Building a city, but running out of nails? Need the moon to calm you down? Or was it just snowing this morning? For these and all other problems call the 24-hour Akvarium helpline at (St Petersburg) 2-12-85-06.
The 2001 release of three early Akvarium recordings leaves only "Minuet for a Farmer" on the known unreleased list. As our review notes, we once believed "Minuet" could (and therefore should) also be read as "blow-job." We were wrong. (Blow-job's минет, drat it all). But even though we have declared the original notion to be apostasy, it still lurks in our naughty little heads (insert head joke here). And since all concerns with musical maturity, recording quality, good taste and general listenability pale before our hunger for even more recordings. We look forward to the release of previously unknown albums, including "Gang Bang With a Farmer", "Goode Farmere Rimshotte", "The Temptation of Bessie", "Further Farmer's Daughter's Tales" and "Farmer Ivanov Pays the Rent".